K-Minus 28 days Ever since I agreed to this challenge I've been in a state of constant paranoia about my health. That slight twinge in my knee? Almost certainly rheumatoid arthritis. Runny nose? Probably swine flu. Sore throat? Lung cancer. Got to be. Every niggle, every weird sensation, every sniffle inevitably leads to panic: what if it stops me climbing the mountain?
Factor in a global fear about a flu pandemic and it's got to the point where I'm afraid to leave the house anymore. I mean, what if I slip on those stairs at work? It's becoming debilitating.
Now, I'm not a hypochondriac by any stretch of the imagination; I've been to the Doctors four times in the last 20 years and two of those visits were to receive vaccinations for this trip. In short, while I've had my fair shares of scrapes, bruises and infections, I've never had to bother the NHS about it. Until now.
In the last two weeks my health has gone completely pearshaped. It all started with a persistently bad taste in the back of my throat, which was then joined by a bad cough and a gurgling sound coming from what I thought were my lungs. In short, I felt bloody awful. Worse still, my training ground to a complete halt. And with that comes guilt, paranoia and self-doubt.
On Monday I went to the Doctors, and after recovering from the shock of being instructed to urinate on command, he decided that my tonsils were inflamed and that my kidneys were infected. He gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. 24 hours later and the taste was gone and the gurgling had stopped, and, for a afternoon at least, my confidence soared.
Yesterday I felt worse than ever; tired, nauseous and generally unwell. Could it be the antibiotics playing havoc with my so-called friendly-bacteria?
Today I feel like my throat is blocked. It's as if I've got a lump of food stuck in there and I can't shift it, even though I haven't. It doesn't hurt but it's difficult to swallow and it's irritating as hell. The Internet isn't much help - according to various online medical forums my condition is either a) stress related b) a virus c) tonsillitis or d) terminal cancer. If I look in the mirror my tonsils look really inflamed on one side so I'm guessing (praying) that it's all connected somehow. My course of antibiotics run out on Monday and I'll be back to the Doctors if things don't improve.
But it's terrifying. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't be overly concerned by this condition, but as I enter the last month of my preparations I'm gripped by this horrible feeling that someone - or something - will stop me going up that mountain. Not only that, my training routine has slipped and it's got to the point where I know I'll have to force myself to train tomorrow, despite feeling unwell. And then that leads me to worry that I'll only make myself worse.
Brilliant.
Anyway, assuming that I survive the weekend I aim to publish more frequent updates on this blog as the date looms ever closer. It's starting to feel very, very real...
Neil
Sorry you're feeling so rough...any better now?
Congratulations on hitting your fund-raising target too!
Posted by: DamonD | May 21, 2009 at 05:36 PM
I'm glad I'm not the only person who automatically capitalises the word "Doctor", even in an innocent context...
Posted by: Unmutual | May 22, 2009 at 11:20 PM