Packing It In

Today's the day I smoke my last cigarette.

OK, I know I was supposed to give up on Monday but I decided to postpone the attempt. Mondays are depressing enough without adding to them, and I spent yesterday in a state of apathetic irritation that wasn't exactly conducive to bidding farewell to an old friend.

I have given up successfully before: the last attempt lasted 9 months so I know that I can do this. The only reason I fell back into the habit is because the wife (who had been clean for 4 years) suddenly decided to start again when the smoking ban came into force in July 2007. Go figure.

It's going to be tough - mainly because I love to smoke, I really do. I realise that admitting to a love of smoking these days is tantamount to being discovered with some Gary Glitter on your iPod but I just can't help it.

It's not even the nicotine that I'll miss - mainly because this will be pumped directly into my bloodstream via some miraculous patches that will make me experience dreams so surreal and vivid I'll think I'm Samuel T. Coleridge.

No, it's the fact that these cigarettes act as small but important markers throughout my day. They have become part of a long-established routine that's going to be hard to break.

There are so many wonderful cigarettes that I'll miss:

• The first one in the morning
• The first one after the first one in the morning
• The cigarette I always have as I pass the gas works in the car on the way to the office
• The first one next to the river in the middle of a blizzard because we live in a fascist state and if we are caught smoking anywhere on campus (for example, under a shelter) then a SWAT team are sent in to move us on
• The first one after my lunch
• The first one after a class
• The first one after that meeting that lasted 3 hours and nothing got done
• The first one in the car as I leave for home
• The first one as I check my email when I get home
• The first one after my dinner
• The first one after a shower
• The one I have when I'm walking the dog
• The one I have when I open a new blog post or a word document and I stare at a white screen for what feels like an eternity...

And that's just a normal day. I haven't even mentioned the cigarettes that have got me through various bouts of stress and anxiety, of which I've had plenty. Then there's the tabs that have helped me cope with deadlines, awkward conversations, several terrorist attacks, and long waits for trains.

Of course there are plenty of things that I won't miss: the smell, the lack of appetite, the social stigma, that lingering feeling that you are slowly killing yourself. Not to mention the cost. I've worked out that I'll be saving over £40 a week. That's a couple of Blu Rays and a takeaway! Or a nice pair of thermal underwear and a balaclava. I have to adjust my priorities now.

Incidentally, I discovered yesterday that Barack Obama is a 30-a-day man. He managed to keep that quiet, didn't he?

Sue is giving up with me. So instead of one tetchy, foul-tempered recovering drug addict in the house they'll be two. Great. Can't wait.

Finally, don't worry if you are a smoker, I won't spend the next 4 months bleating on about what a terrible thing it is that you are doing to yourself via some weird projected jealousy. Evangelical ex-smokers drive me nuts. So smoke 'em if you've got 'em.

The fitness regime starts tomorrow. My lungs won't know what's hit them. I've already purchased the most important item of equipment that I'll need: an iPod shuffle.

I'm also meeting up with someone tomorrow who has actually climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro so I'll have an opportunity to gather some valuable information. For example, these jam and cheese sandwiches I keep hearing about...

Neil

Comments

[Joe C.]

You made me laugh out loud with that Neil - only you would start your first day of non-smoking by meticulously listing all the things you love about smoking (especially the one near the gas works!! Hilarious). But in honesty, good luck mate, I've seen you do this before and you can do it again I'm sure!

[that neil guy]

You'll probably appreciate this graph I saw on BoingBoing just now:

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/01/21/graph-of-the-way-a-c.html